"If you want something you have to just take it"

I am always astounded by the power of WORDS. A few sentences can make me reflect on the scope of my life, no matter how mundane, routine or regular.  Of lately I have been uncomfortably content with my life.  I know that the direction that I have chosen to take is not remotely the the path I believe had been laid out, never mind wanted.  Yet, I have become accustomed to and used to my routine day after day.  Still it is not what I want. What am I waiting for?  When am I going to turn my self loose again?  If I really wanted everything, why have I not already taken it?  Love... Happiness...Bliss....

I have taken something, my friends, friends are so important ( some take this for granted).  I  dam sure have made some bad, I mean bad choices in the 41 years on this planet ( that dam poor judgment in character and trusting people to much too soon) , but  the friends I have now are the most amazing people that I could ever ask for they are more of a family to me in this day and age then my real family (except my sweet Mom .  I am so lucky to have them, they make me feel loved, wanted, and special.  In my group of friends there are some that are a  breed of even more fantastic people that I would defend to the death, kill for, have a place in my heart and would be devastated if  they were not there.  These are the people that keep me going and alive.   I LOVE them till the day I die and beyond.

Life continues much the same as before, Work, sleep, friends, arguments, those random moments of debauchery, drugs, alcohol.   The never ending spiral that has become my life,  my dam fucking life over the past five years. In my mind there always was a light ahead ab big bright light, now there is  a small light ahead, however much my heart, my jaded, cold, bitter, broken, caged, walled up heart disagrees.  When did my life become so normal?  I used to have goals, dreams, passions,  and a light in my eyes that saw endless possibilities.  Now they are simply wisps of smokey air that fall through my fingers.  I think back at how  I wanted my life to be and I almost can't remember what I wanted.  In my line of work  I meet many, many different types of people of all walks of lives, of all religions, all nationalities, sexes and genders, but they all mesh into  one, just  a human being.  Strangely I remember drinks not names........


Well that is enough ranting for now. I send Big Bear Hugs and Licks to All with much Beary Love from RJ The Bear